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March 21, 2014



“What a lucky little girl she is!”

“She’s so lucky to have you!”

These comments come from a good place.  They aren’t spoken with ill intent.  Each time I have heard them, they have emerged from the mouths of friends, family members, and loved ones.

All of them love Grace.

“Lucky”.  It’s an adjective that has been used, on occasion, to describe our daughter.

It is meant to compliment, not to hurt.

It is meant to build up, not  tear down.

But, unfortunately, I believe that there will come a time when it could begin to hurt her.  I believe that there will come a time when it could begin to tear her down.


Take a moment to put yourself in her shoes.

Think about the tremendous loss that she has experienced in her life.  Think about the questions that she will never have answered.  Think about how she has to go through life not knowing who her birth parents are.  Think about the emotional impact something like that could have on her.  Think about what it might be like to be an Asian girl, living in America.  Think about what it is like to stand out….everywhere you go.  Think about how exhausting that can be.  Think about the comments and the questions that she will be faced with for her entire life.

Now, think about the implication of the word “lucky”, when describing her.  Take a moment to think about the burden that comes along with that word. Considering her past, and all that she has to carry with her throughout this life, think about why the term “lucky” doesn’t sit well with me.

Doesn’t it seem a bit unfair?

The more she hears that she is “lucky”, the more she might begin to believe that she is indebted to us.  The more she might begin to believe that she owes us something for bringing her into our family.

That sweet girl doesn’t owe us any more than our three biological children do.  Nothing more.  I pray that she doesn’t go through life believing that she does.  She isn’t any more “lucky” than they are to be in this family.

My hope for Grace is that she doesn’t grow up feeling as though we have simply done her a favor by adopting her.  Her entrance into our family was so much more than that.  She was deeply wanted, yearned for, and sought after.

There is no payback required.

We wanted a daughter.  We believed in the beauty of adoption.  We knew God had a special gift for us in China.

And He did.

That gift was Grace.

She isn’t “lucky” to have us.  We are “lucky” to have her.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 27, 2014 3:31 am

    Amen! I just found your blog and have been searching for a supportive adoption community. Thanks for sharing these deep words!

    • March 27, 2014 2:02 pm

      Thanks for connecting with me! I really love connecting with other adoptive families. Looking forward to checking out your blog as well!

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